At some point, one partner in every long marriage will be left to manage alone. It is a hard truth, and one most families work hard to avoid. But the financial cost of that avoidance is significant, and it falls almost entirely on the person left behind.
I have seen it many times. People walk into my office after losing a partner and realise they do not know how their financial world works. They do not know what they own, what they owe, or where to begin. They are trying to piece it together while they are grieving and already overwhelmed.
The pattern behind the problem
In many marriages, especially those formed in older generations, one partner handled the money and the other trusted that everything was in place. If your parents are in their seventies or eighties, they were married in a time when both the law and social norms reinforced this arrangement. Before 1984, a husband had legal control over many financial decisions in a marriage. That legal reality shaped how couples managed their money for decades, and the habit has outlived the law.
When one person carries all the financial responsibility, two problems follow. The other partner is left without the understanding they may need later. And the person managing everything carries a burden that becomes harder to hand over the longer it goes on.
“It’s all taken care of”
One of my retired clients avoided the practical conversations with her husband. He told her the money was “all taken care of,” and she believed him. When he died, their affairs were not in order. She did not know where certain assets were. She could not access some of the accounts. She had no clear picture of where the money from a property sale had gone. It took years to piece everything together.
I have worked with families who could not locate the will. With partners whose accounts were frozen because everything was held in one name. With surviving spouses who did not know what needed to be paid, how the investments were structured, or how to log into the computer.
In moments of grief, the simplest tasks become complicated.
What both partners should know
You do not need to cover everything in one conversation. But there are a handful of areas that make a real difference if something unexpected happens.
Do both partners know where the original will is kept, and how to access it? Do they both have a clear picture of what they own, what they owe, and how the finances are structured? Can both access the bank accounts and investments? Do both know what is paid each month, and how? Are important documents such as medical aid information, tax records and property papers easy to find? Do both have the passwords needed to access phones, computers and online accounts? And do both know who to contact for help, whether it is a financial planner, attorney, or accountant?
Then there is a different question to ask.
Do they feel confident?
There is a difference between knowing something exists and understanding how it works. That understanding is what creates confidence when it matters most.
The case for the conversation
When these conversations do not happen, families spend the months after a death searching for information and making decisions under pressure. When they do happen, there is clarity. There is also a quieter benefit: the partner who has been carrying everything stops carrying it alone.
With Mother’s Day this weekend and Father’s Day around the corner, the next few weeks offer a natural opening. Take the time to make sure both parents, or you and your own partner, feel equipped to manage on their own, should they ever need to. For more information, visit www.charteredwealth.co.za
Written by Kim Potgieter, Certified Financial Planner, MD of Chartered Wealth Solutions